Ameliorate

I HAD quite a laugh today! Probably the hardest I've laughed in a long time.

I WAS talking to my friend Alex, on his front porch, and we were discussing our post graduation plans. He told me that he applied for a job as a raft guide. I followed this with "Did you major in rafting?" And for some golden reason, I just started cracking up! Him too!
As I was laughing and wondering why it was so funny, and trying to regain control of myself, Alex said "Yeah, I'm actually taking this paddling class during Maymester, so we'll see how that goes." I didn't even realize he was keeping the joke running until halfway through that.

The porch stands about ten feet away from a mildly busy intersection. It's a really nice place to sit, and watch as things go by. A brown tabby strutted around and it reminded me of the one my grandpa used to have. It was a fat cat, and didn't like me. I once ate an entire bottle of those chewable orange vitamin C tablets. What? They tasted like candy, and I'm sure I made up some sort of game where like, each one gave me power or something. My grandpa and mom freaked out. I got in trouble for over-supplementing! Childhood... and all it's twisted humor.

I went to a Sedar today hosted by the Jewish Student Life organization. It was pretty cool. I ate parsley dipped in salt water to remember the sweat and tears of ancestors. I also heard the African American chorus ensemble which was amazing! They are performing again this Sunday @ 3 @ milledge baptist? which I want to attend.

I don't know what it is, exams, stress, nice weather outside, but cashiers don't like me much. I couldn't be any more a waste of their time. Baggers are the cool people. They're like "have a good day" and put stickers and shit on your stuff that doesn't fit into no bag. Sometimes I take my frustration out on customers, but that's because I'm cleaning up their food and shit. I swear, some of those kids might as well be eating spaghetti-o's with an extra wide spoon. Being a cashier, although redundant, isn't that hard.

I traced "AWESOME" on my arm today with a stencil. I used a permanent marker. I showed it to my friend and she said "ooo that's nice. yeah. right on your blood line?" I asked if that was bad, and she said yeah. I asked if I should wash it off but she said the damage was already done. I washed it off anyway. How ironic that my awesome tat should end up being NOT COOL. I tried imagine what exactly it was that went into my skin today and rationalized it as par with a night of drinking. Mmmmm. I'm going to Whiskeytown this weekend. That's going to be a distillingly good time.

Ho hum. I've been working on this paper for so long, sitting in this room, I feel drained. A psychologist once told me that my room and bed should be the most comforting things to me. I was having trouble sleeping. I like where my bed is now. I don't feel as closed in. I just sit there and look over to the empty side.

I was watching the scene in Groundhog's Day tonight where Bill Murray is playing piano on stage and Annie MacDonnel walks in. If you haven't seen the movie, then you won't understand this, and I probably shouldn't spoil it. But if you have seen it... that's what I'm hoping for. A moment when someone sees.
"You've changed..."
"I didn't get here in one day."

I also thought about the beginning to Honey I Shrunk the Kids where the kids are getting chased by remote controlled lawn mowers and battling ants, and getting plunged into cheerios. I sort of feel like that too. Honey I Blew Up the Kids gets an award for special effects because they actually built a replica tiny set for the kid to run around in during his shots of being "blow'd up." Honey, I Blew Up the Kids... maybe not what some were expecting.

I've watched the clock go from 11:11 to 1:11. I think I'll go to sleep now. If I could give you a smile that didn't make you say "what?" then I wouldn't have to tell you "nothing, you're just pretty."