hatin'

I feel like I've forgotten how to enjoy the things that I do. Not like to do though. I mean, I could usually find some sort of aspect of school work which caught my attention and inspired me. I just bore myself these days. Everything seems like a task. I'm just a passive hermit who gets riled up after a few drinks. I'm pretty sad that my bicycle has been broken for the past month or so. It'd be nice to be able to go for a ride right now. Leave whatever it is looming over my head behind me. I hate that feeling you get when you are sleepy, and you want to take a nap, but you know it would be unproductive. So you go through the rest of your day sleepy. I used to have trouble sleeping. I don't really anymore. I fear that my brain is lazy and unmotivated. It's like, if I'm not driving myself crazy with thoughts than I'm not really using my brain.

I hate being polite. I'm almost unnoticeable. Why I should be I don't know. I am the thoughtful, sensitive kid from the 80's. So so quiet. You can go first. Sometimes I feel bad for putting myself first. Other times I put other people first and become impatient with them.

I just hold myself up in my room, listen to music, and talk to people on the internet. I don't do work, I'm always tempted with sleep, and wish I was somewhere else.