tumble

Goals seem far away and I lose track. I'm cornered in a round room. Heels to the wall and I carefully place each palm on it, spreading each finger as far apart as it'll go. My fingernails are long on my right hand. It's supposed to be so I can finger pick on guitar easier. "You need to learn a new song" I hear. Making the best of what you have isn't imagining some life you'd be happy with if only you were somewhere else, surrounded by different people and things. If I don't put a lid of this jar, all of it will spill out. I forget why I get out of bed. It should be for something other than merely the sake of getting out of it. My eye lids have bad posture. They are always slouching. I sway my head to the music. I think I'm dancing to the beat of a different drum, but I'm just trying not to do things the same way as you. I put my hair in a little pony tail. At what age do you begin to get embarassed when people sing happy birthday to you? Some people don't even have to think before they answer that question. "I don't get embarrassed." I don't blame you. Surrounded by books, lamps, a chair. Nothing is fixed. A record player plays all the songs you wrote in your dreams, but could never remember after you awoke. Fetch me my malice. Sounds cool, but what's it mean to anyone? I wish I had that huge keyboard from Big. I'd dance it on it real fast, with my friends, and make a song. Sex. Whoosh. Gone. Are you breaking this code? Relate it all back together again. Whoever said this was going to be an entertaining feigning. Speak goddamn you. I can't see my house from here. You're on my friends list, and you should admit, that it just doesn't get any better than that. My clothes speak for me. Guess where I've been? I'm thinking you should get going. Book worms eat my brain. I went tubing the other day and my fat ass started dragging on the bank. I just sat there and let you catch up. "Is it shallow enough there to stand?" you ask. I think about standing up just to prove that point, but I am just too goddamn lazy. I roll over and out of the tube, resting on my elbows. "I can do this" I say.